No Longer Tragic Spinster RIGHT!
by Ken Branagh
Summary: Nothing's ever simple in the life of Bridget Jones but now she is together with Mark Darcy, but having said that, something always tends to go wrong when it's going so well. UPDATED! R
1. How It Began

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters except for the ones that you have never heard of in the movie or the books. This story has been written after the first book. I have not read 'Edge of Reason' and therefore this is my version of what happened after the first book.  
  
The story of Bridget Jones - Doomed to failure  
  
Bridget Jones never really expected to spend Christmas evening, outside, in the freezing cold, while it was snowing, wearing only small knickers and a cardigan, cuddling and snogging Mark Darcy until the early hours of the morning. Of course Bridget had fantasised about 'the perfect man' and a special moment they would share, almost like a fairytale. Each one was more unbelievable then the last but Christmas evening for Miss Jones, tragic spinster and lunatic, turned out to be the most surreal; it definitely took home the award! She described it in her diary as 'a miracle' and 'more magical then Cinderella'. Of course there is always something lurking in the corners, just ready to pop out at you at the most unexpected moments, completely ruining your perfect life and leaving you depressed and possibly suicidal.  
  
Bridget expected something to go wrong as it always did in her life with anything that seemed to be going right but this was too much of a fantasy for her to dwell on what could be the death of it so she put it to the back of her mind and just enjoyed herself. Silly silly Miss Jones. Someone should tell her that these things do not just disappear.  
  
For normal couples, the shadow lurking in the corner finds it's way to their bright light at least a couple of weeks after the 'miracle'. We all know that Mark and Bridget are hardly 'the normal couple', Mark being a top barrister who fights in the streets and through restaurant windows, wears a reindeer jumper and was married to a cruel raced Japanese woman. There is then Bridget who is a lunatic, over weight, a bit of an alcoholic, chain smoker, gullible and an embarrassing public speaker. They hardly make the perfect couple but their hearts are in the right place so who knows what could happen?  
  



	2. Unwanted Visitors

Chapter 1 – Unwanted Visitors  
  
Bridget sat in front of the television is her underpants, eating out of an ice cream tub. She looked down at her stomach and groaned. She could feel herself putting on the calories. Christmas and New Year was over and with it, the joy. She and Mark Darcy had shared an amazing night a couple of nights ago and now that seemed so far away. She hadn't heard from him since he'd left for Paris on a business trip.  
  
Bridget flicked through the channels and threw the remote on the floor in frustration. She got up and decided to take a soothing bath but before she could reach the bathroom, there was a knock at the door. She grabbed a bathrobe and tied it around herself. Bridget looked out of the window to see her parents smiling at the front door. She gave another little groan and opened the door.  
  
'Bridget! It's freezing out here, let us in!' Squealed Mrs Jones. She gave Bridget a disgusted look 'Have you just gotten out of bed?' Pamela Jones walked into the living room to find clothes all over the floor and a tub of ice cream spilling onto the sofa. 'Oh my god! Bridget, look at this mess! What if Mark were to walk in right now?!"  
  
Bridget looked confused. She had not told anybody about her and Mark yet. Could her parents possibly know? Pamela grinned at Bridget and ushered her into a chair while Mr Jones flicked through the channels to see what was coming on TV.  
  
'I have something to tell you Bridget!' Pamela's grin widened. Bridget fidgeted in her seat. If her mother did know about her and Mark, she didn't need an I-told-you-so at the moment. 'Mark Darcy did not go to New York with that frigid cow Natasha!' Bridget hid a smile. Her mother was completely oblivious.  
  
'Really? Why's that?' Bridget began to pick up a few of her clothes off the floor as to keep herself busy and hope that her mum wouldn't notice the grin that had widened on her face.  
  
'Nobody knows really. I did of course ask Mark's parents but they said it was a private matter and not one that they could discuss with close friends! It's totally ridiculous!'  
  
Mark had told his parents that Bridget and himself were now an item but he wished that it would be kept a secret until they were ready to tell everybody themselves and Bridget was glad that they had told her mum to bugger off and mind her own business.  
  
Mr Jones switched off the television and engaged in the conversation. 'I haven't seen Mark recently.' 'Oh he's on a business trip-' Bridget blurted out before she could stop herself. Pamela eyed Bridget curiously. 'How do you know?' 'Uh...um...well...err' Bridget tried to think of a convincing lie to feed to her parents who were both looking at her suspiciously and finally she said, 'Sit up Britain! Where I work...had huge responses to the Agani-Heaney case and Mark is wanted for another interview about being Eleanor Heaney's barrister and his clerk phoned me...at work...to say that he was on a business trip.' Bridget smiled, unable to contain the joy she felt for successfully lying to her mother.  
  
'Oh I see. Well I haven't heard from Natasha either. Rumour has it-' Pamela began in a whisper, leaning close to Bridget as though there may be somebody watching '-that Mark told Natasha in New York that he did not want to marry her and that it would be the worst mistake of his life. Then he came back to England and naturally, she felt embarrassed and could not show her face here again.'  
  
Bridget decided to choose her words carefully. 'Worst mistake of his life?'  
  
'Yes, well that's what we've heard.' Mrs Jones looked at her husband and smiled. 'Isn't that right Colin?'  
  
'Yes that's right.'  
  
Bridget shuffled uncomfortably 'Well did he say why it would be the worst mistake of his life?'  
  
Colin Jones shook his head and Pamela said, 'Not a word but it's obvious isn't it?'  
  
Bridget's eyes widened, 'Is it?'  
  
'Yes,' shouted Mrs Jones impatiently. 'If a rich man is engaged to marry a rich cow, why would that possibly be a mistake? Well I'll tell you why, there's a girl involved. There always is in matters of the heart.'  
  
'Who...who is the girl?' Bridget tried to keep her voice steady.  
  
Colin Jones shrugged and escaped to the kitchen for a beer.  
  
The morning dragged on with Bridget's parents talking to her about allsorts and she had hoped that Mark would not choose this moment to come home or to phone. Pamela Jones had a tendency to answer Bridget's phone and literally push her out of the way just to hear who was calling and why. Luckily for Brig, each of those times, Tom had been on the other end screaming 'Bridget I'm in a gay bar and I've seen this cute guy and I think a full-on-' At this point, Pamela always hangs up! Finally they left and Bridget ran herself a warm bath. 


	3. Night Out With Mates

Chapter 2 – Night out with mates  
  
Bridget, Shazzer, Jude and Tom ran into the bar, trying to get out of the rain. They pushed people out of the way to get through the entrance and they found themselves a table next. Bridget ordered some beers and found her place at the table.  
  
'So, Bridget, how's Mark Darcy? We were in Paris so we need filling in!' Tom grinned. Bridget blushed. 'He's fine.' 'Why isn't he here tonight Brig?' Shazzer asked while lighting her cigarette. 'He's on a business trip. He should be back tomorrow actually.' 'So.........what did you guys get up to then Brig?' Jude smiled. Bridget's cheeks turned a deeper shade of crimson as she informed them of her and Mark's magical night. Shazzer looked as if to hear more of the story but nothing came, 'Ok Bridget, so you were in your knickers snogging Mark Darcy in the street. Then what?'  
  
'He told me he had to go on a business trip but he would be back in two weeks.' Bridget smiled.  
  
'Then.........' Shazzer continued.  
  
'Then he told me he'd be thinking of me the whole time.' Bridget blushed again.  
  
'And you haven't seen him since?' Tom asked, knowing where Shazzer was going with this.  
  
'No – well we've talked on the phone of course.' Bridget looked around confused by her friends' reactions.  
  
'So you didn't.........you know.........go back to your place of anything?' Jude smiled.  
  
Bridget finally understood and laughed. 'No, we didn't go back to my place.'  
  
Tom and Shazzer shared a look. 'Well that explains it' Tom laughed.  
  
'What?!' Bridget began to get annoyed.  
  
'Lack of sex Bridget – It's made you cranky.' Shazzer, Tom and Jude burst into fits of laughter. Bridget smiled in spite of herself and they all cheered when the beers finally arrived.  
  
The evening wore away and they headed for a taxi. 'So brig, we have to do this again sometime- with Mark Darcy of course!' Tom grinned, 'How about next weekend?'  
  
'No, sorry. I'm having dinner at my parent's house.' Bridget looked disappointed. Shazzer winked, 'Will you be taking the gorgeous Mark Darcy?'  
  
'No! My parent's don't know remember!' 'Yeah- why is that?' Shazzer and Jude asked. Bridget stopped a taxi and climbed in. 


	4. Back from Business

Chapter 3 – Back from Business  
  
Bridget woke up the next morning and looked at the clock. It was 11 o'clock and Mark still wasn't home. She turned on the radio and Kid Rock was playing – 'Rock n Roll Pain Train'. Bridget sang along, knowing all the words. She finally decided to freshen up quickly, after looking at herself in the mirror and realising that she didn't want Mark to walk in, see her and wonder why he ever liked her. At the moment, she was prancing around in her huge stomach holding in pants and she decided that if she was to give Mark a special welcome home as she had hoped, she'd have to slip into something more comfortable e.g. her extremely tiny knickers.  
  
Bridget heard a car park outside and saw Mark Darcy getting out. She gave a little scream and dashed for the bathroom. She hit her head against the door and fell unconscious on the floor.  
  
When Bridget regained consciousness, Mark was kneeling next to her smiling.  
  
'You're awake.' Mark tried to hold back fits of laughter. He slowly helped Bridget to a sitting up position.  
  
'What happened?' Bridget rubbed her forehead.  
  
'Well, judging by that big purple bruise on your head and that dent on the door, I'd say you ran into the door and got a bruise on your head.' Mark continued to smile.  
  
Bridget realised that she was still wearing her stomach holding in pants and that Mark Darcy had just caught her unconscious on the floor after walking into a door. She felt totally humiliated. She ran into the bathroom and got ready quickly. She observed her bruise in the mirror. It was purple, big, lumpy and eww......... pulsating!  
  
'Bridget!' Mark called from the next room. 'Are you okay? You've been in there a while.'  
  
Bridget just wanted to crawl into a tiny space and slowly die. After an hour, she emerged from the bathroom frowning. Mark smiled at her and took her by the hand.  
  
'Don't look so depressed Brig, It's really not that bad!' Mark couldn't hold in the laughter anymore. Bridget ran into the bathroom and locked herself in.  
  
'Bridget!' Mark shouted.  
  
'Go home Mark or I won't come out! I mean it.' Bridget shouted back.  
  
'You're being ridiculous Bridget, I haven't seen you for two weeks!'  
  
'It wasn't supposed to be like this!' Bridget whispered; tears formed in her eyes.  
  
Mark leaned close to the door. 'Come out Bridget, I promise I won't laugh.' Bridget slowly opened the door and Mark wrapped his arms around her waist and gave her a kiss.  
  
Bridget finally got ready while Mark prepared the lunch. She informed him of everything that had gone on while he was away, including her parents visiting her.  
  
'Well-' Mark began as he stirred the soup 'If they suspect that a girl is involved, they wouldn't be far off!' He smirked.  
  
Bridget smiled back and Mark looked at her thoughtfully. 'Why are we keeping this a secret?'  
  
Bridget got bowls out for the soup and set them on the counter top. 'I haven't seen you since Christmas evening. I'd at least like to have you to myself a while before my mother finds out, gives me the I-told-you-so lecture and then not leave us alone for a minute.'  
  
'Fair enough' Mark smiled.  
  
They sat down for lunch, grateful for not having to eat blue soup! After dinner, Mark left to visit his parents as he promised he would when he got back.  
  
So much for a special welcome home! 


End file.
